The Canon Cowgirl

We don't sell animals at The Pet Food Store which is cool because my view of puppy stores is about the same as puppy mills, which is about the same as cancerous sores. What we do do is adopt out kittens and cats through a local rescue which is way more awesome because the kitties come fixed & with all their shots. And also because we can decide not to give you a cat if you say "supposedly" "supposably". Just kidding, we would never turn someone down for saying "supposably", but drop an "irregardless" and you are right out.

All of our kitties also come with names that are usually picked by the rescue. The rescue sucks at naming cats. The kitty we currently have is named (100% serious about this)... Catcat. I want someone cool to adopt Catcat just so that she can get the dignity of a decent name.

Not long ago I said something along those lines to a cat loving customer. "Well," he said "Its better than Clamidia." which is a difficult point to argue since MOST things are better than a venereal disease but begs the question ...WHAATT??!?!

Apparently he had been at a shelter and came upon a cat that the rescue had named (you guessed it) Clamidia. And they could NOT figure out what he found so funny. We, on the other hand, thought it was hilarious and fantastically awkward. Imagine the awesomeness/terrible misunderstandings a name like that would lead to:

I went to the cat rescue and got Clamidia.

My wife was lonely so I got Clamidia for her.

I paid $100 to get Clamidia.

Now that we have Clamidia our house feels like a home.

Awesome.

My best guess was that someone thought they were naming her after a flower and were terribly, terribly wrong. Either that or they totally got it and were in the back making jokes like we were:

That last couple looked like they were interested in getting Clamidia.

We could give Clamidia to that old woman!

We finally got rid of our Clamidia.

I would totally adopt that cat and keep her name. I'd call her Clap for short.

As for having the best cat name of all time, Clamidia only has one contender that I've heard of, and its tough competition: Joie's former cat, Poonani.

I could go there, I really could, but I wont.

You're welcome.

I'm growing magical mushrooms in my front yard. Not on purpose of course, unless you count grossly neglecting basic lawn care until mushrooms start growing as "on purpose". I know this because yesterday when I came home from running errands in town I found my 60 year old neighbor from across the cul- da-sac yelling at a stoner kid....in my front yard. Their argument went as follows:

SharonP: THEY'RE PSYCHEDELIC MUSHROOMS!!
Stoner Kid (in the most stoner kid voice you can imagine): they're not psychedelic, man, they're totally not!
SharonP: PSYCHEDELIC MUSHROOMS!!1!!ONE!
StonerKid: they're for my biology class-
SharonP: I'M CALLING THE POLICE!!!

And with that StonerKid got on his bike took his "not psychedelic" mushrooms and got the heck out of there, flipping Sharon and I the bird as he sped away. I was still standing in my driveway blinking in confusion as to what had just happened.

Later Sharon came over to point out my magical mushrooms to me. I ohhed and ahhed and acted very shocked, but the truth is I had actually suspected that they were magical mushrooms when I first saw them the day before. Not because I know what magical mushrooms look like (I can quite honestly say I'm totally clueless with anything drug related and plan to remain so), but because I had heard the entire neighborhood has issues with magical mushrooms growing in the lawns and the tresspassing dirty hippies that go along with them.

Truthfully, I find that pretty awesome, not because I'm pro dirty hippy or magical mushroom, but because this is probably the nicest neighborhood in Monroe. People think they're very fancy living in their fancy boxes made of ticky tacky...and the lawns are infested with magical mushrooms and dirty hippies.

Is it wrong that I kinda want them back? I mean, it's not like I'm going to EAT them, it's just on principle! You don't see me showing up in front of StonerKids house yurt and taking things out of HIS yard whatever it is that hippies have instead of yards, do you?

So I guess my task for tomorrow is to rid my lawn of mushrooms, which should be pretty easy, all I really need to do is mow the lawn, plus a little fungiside I think. The drum circle and sit in are going to be a little tougher to eliminate though, anyone have ideas on that?

PS: Side note this is what I found when I googled "hippie yard" to try to figure out what it is that hippies have instead of yards http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Nocturnal_Hippie_Artist

Awesome. "The Chair Incident" is my favorite part, although I can't say I remember that happening to me.