Showing posts with label why I'm not allowed to have sharp objects. Show all posts
Showing posts with label why I'm not allowed to have sharp objects. Show all posts

Blues

Author: Canoncowgirl // Category: , , ,


I talk to my truck. I know you're thinking "as long as it doesn't talk back to you"...but it does... and he sounds remarkably like Sam Elliott. (If you didn't already think I was crazy this may be a good time to start, but I do realize I'm making all this up so maybe that counts for something.)

"Blue!!" I'll mentally yell at him as I search the parking lot for his superman blue behemoth "Where the hell are you you hunk of junk?"

"Right where you left me!" he'll snap in a rumbly drawl "and I'd be watching who you're callin' a hunk of junk unless you're fixin' to walk home. Do you realize that after you left a Prius parked next to me? I've spent the last four hours hearing how I'm killing the earth for crying out loud."

Blue doesn't like people to talk about his drinking problem.

He also has an obnoxious great sense of humor. Take this April 1st: it was raining steadily and I was late for work. I jumped in started Blue up, went to switch on the wipers...and nothing happened.

"April Fools!" says Blue with a throaty chuckle.

"Blue this isn't funny, I need the wipers!"

"What? You say the blinkers? They're working just fine! Hehheh"

Luckily work wasn't far. As I pulled into a parking spot nerve wracked and drenched from hanging my head out the window... the wipers started working.

"Blue you are such an asshole."

"You know I played the same prank on your dad and he didn't laugh either. You people have no sense of humor."

Apparently in the 1960s seat belts were optional, but smart ass came stock.

This weekend Blue sat at home, my punishment to him after leaving me stranded on Friday. "Its national ride your bike to work day Liz. It's good for you." What Blue failed to realize is that I had forgotten my bike along the side of the road the last time he ran out of gas. Jokes on him!

.....er...wait....
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Cutting Cattle and Shooting Horses

Author: Canoncowgirl // Category: , ,
My family has no idea what I'm talking about most of the time. Between being a horse person and a photographer my everyday conversations may as well be another language. Take for example just this weekend.

I had a photo session with a lovely woman who's husband trains cutting horses. She told me I should forget about the rodeo boys and check out cutters cause they know how to ride in style. I'm a big fan of riding and style so I was very interested in the idea. This conversation soon followed:

Me: I'm going to get hooked up with a cutter!

Cousin (thinking I'm now into emo kids with low self esteem and access to razor blades): Why would you want any part of that kind of violence?

Me: WTF is wrong with cutting cattle?

Cousin: They cut COWS too?? What kind of sick freaks do you hang out with?

and at this point I'm like: You can take your Animal Rights bullshit and shove it up your ass!!

We're still not talking to each other and neither of us is positive why.

Then there's the issue of photo babel. I'll go off on technical spiel and not even realize it until I look up and see the glazed expression on my family members face. The worst was recently when they overheard a conversation I was having with another photographer:

Other Photographer: So what do you like to shoot?

Me: Horses mostly. I'll shoot cats and dogs just for fun, but mostly I'm shooting horses. You?

Other Photographer: I'm all about shooting kids.

Family: <::::FEAR::::>

So when I say "my family has no idea what I'm talking about" I really mean "my family thinks I'm violently insane". And to add insult to missunderstanding they've taken away all sharp objects or anthing they think I could use as a weapon. I have to cut things with those damn plastic donkey scizzors. Thats the last time I talk to them about my interests.



PS Is "emo kids with low self esteem" redundant?

PPS Just to show them, I'm whittling the donkey scizzors into a shank.
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About Me

About Me
Cowgirl/photographer. Crazy. Currently living in a mcmansion (with no furniture) and working at a Pet Food Store. Chasing my real dreams and cowboys when I get a chance. These are stories from my life.

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